Is this a good poem about being contained and abused?
Posted by: Alan in bone cancer in dogs treatment, tags: about, abused.., being, contained, good, poem, this
Quarantined like a disease
My cell full of flies
I walk with a seeing eye dog
Stitches sewn in my eyes
I feel the back hand of fate
I swear it is rape
The way it tortures me
My life he sedates
I lash out in ways that are inhuman
I go back to my primal instinct
Because of the way he stains my leather
In matters that are most distinct
For you can read the story imprinted on my skin
Of a monster who rapes my rights
For no moment do I get of solitude
Neither sunshine nor moonlight
He blackens my lungs more than any smoke may
He infects me just like a cancer
For he is the god in my realm
It is to him that I must answer
My colors have been smudged and ruined
My pages torn beyond repair
For I have washed into the gutter
Nobody to answer my prayers
My brain has been beat and battered without one word spoken
My bones purge out my skin, blood ridden, smashed and broken
When I call for help I only reach the wolf instead
So then no body believes me,
Not even one tear shed.
My outsides are blackened and splattered with carmine
On the inside I am falling apart,Dying,
Never to speak again
Oh and i am only 14 haha
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May 15th, 2010 at 8:35 am
it sounds like you’ve been through a lot.. i also write the occassional poem and story.. i’m going to be really honest with you.. the poem as a work of anything more than primal venting, needs a lot of revision. it doesn’t make sense. we don’t know if he’s cancer or disease.. a tattoo…God or an animal perhaps? or if you are still blind..? i mean this in the nicest way of course.
May 15th, 2010 at 9:20 am
Wow that is good!!!
May 15th, 2010 at 10:00 am
YOU have promise Study poetic forms too and use of poetic language.
May 15th, 2010 at 10:50 am
This is the best poem I have ever heard
May 15th, 2010 at 11:18 am
It’s a start.
go back and edit it..
read it and listen then fix the bits that don’t sound right..
good luck